The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
The great mathematician John Von Neumann was consulted by a group who
was building a rocket ship to send into outer space. When he saw the
incomplete structure, he asked, "Where did you get the plans for this
ship?"
He was told, "We have our own staff of engineers."
He
disdainfully replied: "Engineers! Why, I have complete sewn up the
whole mathematical theory of rocketry. See my paper of 1952."
Well,
the group consulted the 1952 paper, completely scrapped their 10
million dollar structure, and rebuilt the rocket exactly according to
Von Neumann's plans. The minute they launched it, the entire structure
blew up. They angrily called Von Neumann back and said: "We followed
your instructions to the letter. Yet when we started it, it blew up!
Why?"
Von Neumann replied, "Ah, yes; that is technically known as the blow-up problem - I treated that in my paper of 1954."
An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives
on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful
bicycle?"
"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple
of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls
up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what
you want'."
The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around talking between
classes, when one brought up the question of who designed the human
body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have
been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of
the nerves and synapses.
Another disagreed, and exclaimed that
it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body.
The system of levers and pullies is ingeniuos.
"No," the third
student said "your both wrong. The human body was designed by an
architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line
through a recreation area?"
Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks
I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium?
How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
You're sweeter than glucose.
We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
The Dictionary: what engineers say and what they mean by it
- Major Technological Breakthrough
- Back to the drawing board.
- Developed after years of intensive research
- It was discovered by accident.
- The designs are well within allowable limits
- We just made it, stretching a point or two.
- Test results were extremely gratifying
- It works, and are we surprised!
- Customer satisfaction is believed assured
- We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all.
- Close project coordination
- We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this.
- Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties
- We are working on something else.
- The design will be finalized in the next reporting period
- We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.
- A number of different approaches are being tried
- We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.
- Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem
- We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while.
- Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive
- The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
- The entire concept will have to be abandoned
- The only guy who understood the thing quit.
- Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties
- We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch.
- Essentially complete.
- Half done.
- We predict...
- We hope to God!
- Drawing release is lagging.
- Not a single drawing exists.
- Risk is high, but acceptable.
- 100 to 1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and 10 times the manpower, we may
have a 50/50 chance. - Serious, but not insurmountables, problems.
- It will take a miracle. God should be the program manager.
- Not well defined.
- Nobody has thought about it.
- Requires further analysis and management attention.
- Totally out of control.
- The project is designed for high availability.
- Malfunctions will be blamed on the operators mistakes.
- This project has low maintenance requirements.
- We wouldn't let the technicians change a light bulb, much less fool around with our baby.
- The software is being developed without excessive process overhead.
- The documentation will be written in clear and lucid Chinese.
- The delivery is scheduled for the last quater of next year.
- This leaves us plenty of time to decide who to blame for it being late.
RSS Feed (xml)
No comments:
Post a Comment