Sardar Jokes : Fresh Sardar Jokes

Boss : Where were you born ?

sardar : Punjab.

Boss : which part ?

sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

_________________

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

_________________

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi

petrol se start hoti hai.

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Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why

are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

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Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He

gave

Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the

computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

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On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our

engagement day will you give me a ring.

Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

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Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any

one before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

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How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

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Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

_________________

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from

NASA to SATYANASA

_________________

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I’m falling in love.

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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents

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Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

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In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

_________________

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got

irritated…

drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

_________________

Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all

India Radio!

_________________

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

_________________

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

_________________

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from

NASA to SATYANASA

_________________

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I’m falling in love.

_________________

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents

_________________

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

_________________

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

_________________

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

_________________

In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

_________________

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got

irritated…

drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

_________________

Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all

India

Radio!

_________________

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

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The Russians dug 1000 ft in the ground and found copper wire; they declared Russia had electricity 1000 years back.

US dug and found optical fiber and declared US had telephone 2000 years back.

A sardar in India found nothing. Then said oye we had wireless technology 5000 years back.

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Sardar: Last night I saw an English movie .It had no scene nor no sound.

Friend Sardar: wow tell me the name of the movie. I too want to see it.

Sardar: Please Insert Disc.

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DIFFERENT SARDAR’S..

1.Student Sardar: Me fail English!!!!! Thats Unpossible.

2.Police :we’re going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?

Thief Sardar : Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

3.Father Sardar : Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try

4.Patient Sardar: In my dreams monkey play football every night.

Doctor: Take this medicine from tonight.

Patient Sardar: Can I start from tomorrow because tonight is Final.

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SARDAR’S BIRTHDAY..

Sardar went for an interview, The question was when is your birthday?

Sardar: 19th january.

Interviewer: which year?

Sardar: Nonsense..Every Year.

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TICKET TICKET..

Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children.

Conductor: yes only if they are above 8.

Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children.

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SARDAR IN AMERICA..

Three Sardarjis went for a tour to America.They searched for rooms
everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100
floor hotel.

After taking rest they started for a local visit.

While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should
reach the hotel before10.00pm or else lift will not be available and
they have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.

After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30.

Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways
under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts
for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much
trouble.

After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,

“I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only”.

Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.

Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story.

The third one said,

“I forgot the room key which is on the manager’s table”.

They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said,

” I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end”.

They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second sardarji said,

” The keys were in my pocket only”.

With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.

After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,

” I too have a sad story, but I will say at the end only”.

Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad story, he replied:

“This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this…!!!”

sardarji's photography

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral > function, suddenly all relatives beat
him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Two sardarji in a pub

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.

A proporsal to sardarji

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..

MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

sardarji got a job

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

sardarji's chicken farm

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the

dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for

another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.


'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

sardarji complaints

After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

Sardarji jokes

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.

Lots of Wit and Wisdom

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -

'You'll never find anyone like me again!'

I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'



"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."



"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.

'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.

I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."



"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."



"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.
I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is
that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"



"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to
teach you how to swim.'"



"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a
single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall
people burn slower?"



"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the
Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like
shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."



"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."



"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span
and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a
congressman."



"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may
be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals.
We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."



"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"



"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty
violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain
all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should
get rid of the body before you do the wash."



"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology."



"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe
clippers right here!'"

Corporate Lessons!

A priest was driving along and saw
a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which
she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open
and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an
accident.



After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm
129?"



The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.



Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again Said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the
priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."



Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.



On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory."



MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!

Women's Rights

WOMEN'S RIGHTS



The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.



The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last
year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our

husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband,
Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have
to do it himself.

After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but
on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."



(The crowd cheered).



The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's
conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no
longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.The first
day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing,

but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.



(The crowd again cheered).



The third speaker, a Jamaican lady, stood up and said," After lass
year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husband of mines, Dingo
Jack, dat I was froo pickin up his beer cans, cookin his tucker and
washing his undaweah and dat he was goin to haf to do dem himself.

(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes).



She continued...........................







"Afta da first day, I nevah see nuffing.



Afta da second day I nevah see nuffing,







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>but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit out of my leff eye."

2 fishermen

2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a
boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at
various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try
one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to
happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. paul
said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to
come,) Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and
made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot.... With
that paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat
will know where to fish.

Questions that have Confused humankind!!

Questions that have Confused humankind!!



a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll

squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"



a.. Who was the first person to say \"See that chicken there....I\'m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it\'s butt.\"



a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a

horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?



a.. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?



a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?



a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?



a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re both dogs!



a.. What do you call male ballerinas?



a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??



a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why

didn\'t he just buy dinner?



a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?



a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?



a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



a.. Isn\'t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?



a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the

same tune?



a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?



a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it\'s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it\'s in your ass?



a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets
mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to
stick his head out the window into the wind?



a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

The Prayer

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.



Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.



The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.



The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:



Dear GOD,



Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for
some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual,
those idiots deducted $95.00!

4 Doctors talk Politics!

An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine
in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person,
put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."



A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in
four weeks."



A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can
take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both
looking for work in two weeks."



The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We are about to take
an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the
country will be looking for work the next day."

Kidneys for Brains

The teacher asked her students if
anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not
get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14? "No," the teacher said. The
second kid said "3.8" "Not quite" the teacher said. Finally the third
kid said "That's easy, 4" "Yes, you all get recess now". At the
playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said "It's
all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head.

Restoring her youth!

After her fifth child, Lucy decided
that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore
herself to her former youthful glory.



Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five
children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a
tuck there.



Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.



Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."



"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation
went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say
thanks."



"Ahhh, thats really nice" said Lucy.



"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was
such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be
the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!"



"Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?"



"Thats from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse.

"He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!"

I can\'t feel my legs!

A man wakes up in a hospital bed
after a terrible accident and cries - "DOC, DOC...I can't feel my legs,
I can't feel my legs!!!



"Well of course you can't silly!", replies the Doc... "I've cut off both of your arms."

Rude Doctor!

Mr. Jones gets a call from the
hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He
rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in
an accident.



They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case and they page the doctor.



Doc comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.

"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"



The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."

"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"



"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you
will have to feed her."

Mr. Jones begins to sob.



"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."

Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.



"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper her as
she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers
must be changed at least five times a day."

Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.



The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a
regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel
will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must
clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent
she'll be emitting regularly."

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing and sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.



Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder and says -

"Hey, I'm just messinging with you, dude...

You don't have to do all that stuff - she's dead!"

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.

(why wait that long)



2) Thou shall not do drugs.

(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)



3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.

(Walmart has a bigger selection)



4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.

(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)



5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.

(everyone knows grandma has more money)



6) Thou shall not get into fights.

(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)



7) Thou shall not skip class.

(just take the whole day off)



8) Thou shall not strip in class.

(Hooters pays more)



9) Thou shall not think about having sex.

(like Nike says, "just do it")



10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.

(just leave'm in the middle)

Little Johnny at it again!

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.



"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"



All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming
out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a
filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would
give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy
said "apple".



"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".



Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".



This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter
and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to
"R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.



The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.



Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, fuckin' Rat!"

One Brilliant Kid!

A Duke was hunting in the forest
with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it,
archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an
arrow.



"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"



After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a
small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it
was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.



"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the

middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly.



"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."



"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely.



"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued.

"You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot."



"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...

...and then I paint the target around it."

Kidneys for Brains

The teacher asked her students if
anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not
get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14? "No," the teacher said. The
second kid said "3.8" "Not quite" the teacher said. Finally the third
kid said "That's easy, 4" "Yes, you all get recess now". At the
playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said "It's
all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head.

All Lies

Ram and Sham were talking together



RAM:do you drink?

SHAM:no,no at all.

RAM:do you smoke?

SHAM:no,not at all.

RAM:do you do anything which is not socially acceptable?

SHAM:yes,I just tell lies.

Shorter bUt ThikkeR

In
a restaurant, a man ordered soup, but as soon as it arrived, he had to
go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he
is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP". When he returned,
he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".

QuestionNs????????

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

A: From a catalogue.

Q: What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?

A: The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?



A: Doesn't matter, he ain't gonna come anyway.

Q: How do you get to Sesame Street?



A: Pull down your pants and ask Big Bird.

Q: Why does'nt Gloria Trevi like wearing underwear?





A: Because she likes her hair loose.

Q: What does a Disney ride and Viagra have in common?





A: It takes over one hour to start and two minutes for the ride to end.

Q: What does a Disney ride and Viagra have in common?





A: It takes over one hour to start and two minutes for the ride to end.

Q: What do men and parking spaces have in common?







A: The best ones are taken.

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his wife off the wall?





































































































































A: So he could see her crack.

Q: What did the Hammer say to the man?







A: Hammer me.

Q: Why did the janitor dance with the broom?







A: Because it could sweep him off his feet.

Q: Q: What is an Australian kiss like?





A: A: It's just like a French kiss, but down under.

Am I The First

A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to
his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first
man you ever made love to?" She looks at him thoughtfully for a second
before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."

Bush in Vegas

George W. Bush went to Vegas on a presidential
agenda.He took a break and walked over to a vending machine.He put a
quarter in it and out popped a soda. He was so facinated and excited,
he kept putting in quarters and getting more sodas. His assistant
tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Mr.President,it is time to go."
Bush looked up in extreme shock and said,"Can't you see I'm winning?"

$10,000 To Kiss Those Breasts

One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house
next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe
in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a
magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his
lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he
could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's
house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened
the door. "Excuse me," our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing
how beautiful your wife is." "Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts
are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those
breasts." The burly gorilla was about to deck our poor guy when his
wife appeared and stopped him. She pulled him inside and they discussed
the offer for a few moments. Finally, they returned and asked our
friend to step inside. "OK," the husband said gruffly, "for ten
thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits." At this, the wife
unbuttoned her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hung free at
last. Our man took one in each hand, and proceeded to rub his face
against them in total ecstasy. This went on for several minutes, until
the husband got annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growled.
"I can't," replied our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away. "Why not?"
demanded the husband, getting really angry now. "I don't have ten
thousand dollars."

Three Stupid Blondes

There were three blondes who wanted to cross a river.

So the first blonde asked God if he would make her smart enough to know how to swim and cross the river. So God did.

The second blonde asked God to make her smart enough to build a raft
and croos over the river. So God did. When the third blonde was about
to ask God for her wish, God said, "I'm tired of you blondes and your
dumb wishes." So he made the third blonde smart enough to see the
bridge and cross over it.
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Three bLacK mEn AnD A GeniE

There was once three black men. Two of them wanted to be white but the
third insisted that color is no difference. One day they were walking
on a sandpath and found a lamp. They started rubbing it and a genie
came out. The genie granted one wish for each one of them. The first,
following his dream, wished to be white. With a snap of his finger, the
genie turned him white. The seconed wished for the same and turned
white. The third black man, angry by his friends' wishes, wished both
of them to turn back to their original color.