PhilosopherSsss

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what
to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father
replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work.
These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice
cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long
time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's
advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you
like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence
returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his
father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He
asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and
there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's
advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a
brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

---

---

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who
listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions
about morality and ethics.

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was
willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed
and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it
came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is
the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist
world?"

"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact,
that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."

---

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question,
What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old
colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.

"In a closet," he repied. "I wanted to know what life really is."

"And have you found an answer?"

"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is
like a bridge."

"That's all well and good," replied the colleage, "but can you be a little
more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"

"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right;
perhaps life is not like a bridge."

---

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.

Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.

Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.

Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.

and, most importantly,

Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

---

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his
chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable
thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT
EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to
embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one
student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final
in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final
grades...and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty
seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"

---

How philosophers do it...

Philosophers do it deeper.

Philosophers do it a posteriori.

Philosophers do it consistently.

Philosophers do it conceptually.

Philosophers do it for pure reasons.

Philosophers do it with their minds.

Philosophers think about doing it.

Philosophers wonder why they did it.

---

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

"Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"

"Define 'light bulb'..."

"How can you be sure it needs changing?"

Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing
over whether or not the light bulb exists.




How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and
argues that it isn't dark; the other stands at the other end and says
that true light is impossible. This dialectic creates a synthesis which
does the job.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.

Three. One to change it, one not to change it, and one both
to change it and not to change it.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how
the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a
netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

How many Kuhnian constructionist philosophers of science does it take to
change a light bulb?

You're still thinking in terms of 'incremental change'--what
we really need is paradigm shift...we don't need a bulb with more attributes
added on, we need ubiquitous luminescence.

How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Every light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.