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Dictionary's latest definition of the following words.
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Divorce:- Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette:- A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture:- An art of transferring information from the
notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference:- The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.

Compromise:- The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears:- The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary:- The only place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:- A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic:- A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:- A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.

Yawn:- The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.

Etc:- A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.

Committee:- Individuals who can do nothing individually
and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:- An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:- A fool who torments himself during life,
to be spoken of when dead.

Opportunist:- A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist:- A person who while falling from Eiffel tower
says in midway "See, I am not injured yet."

Miser:- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:- A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:- A guy no different from the rest....except
that he got caught.

Boss:- Someone who is early when you are late ! and late
when you are early.

Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections
and your confidence after.

Doctor:- A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you with his bills.